March 15th – Trouble In Paradise in the Maldives

When you tell people that you're visiting the Maldives, they immediately think that you're visiting a desert island paradise of idyllic white sandy beaches. Well, the reality of the nation's capital, Male, couldn't be more different from that idealised view – in fact, this is one of the most densely populated pieces of land on the planet, a tiny, congested one-square-mile island full to the gunnels with buildings, 100,000 people, and just as many motorbikes.

Rather than peace and tranquillity, the sensation of urban noise and congestion was almost overwhelming. But, perversely, it was this disconnect between perception and reality that probably gives Male it's most interesting characteristic. Of course, the Maldives boast some of the most beautiful islands in the world, but the ordinary people are stuck here in the concrete jungle and have no access to them – they're set aside purely for the mega-bucks resorts, and the government doesn't want the wicked ways of the west to "infect" the Islamic sensibilities of its population.

The irony of living in one of the most beautiful countries in the world, but inhabiting one of the least attractive islands I can think of, is almost too much. However, the people are kept firmly in check, not only by the fierce version of Sharia Law here, but also by a government that has turned away from democracy in the last couple of years, and is ruling with an iron rod. Just the day before we arrived, the ex-President Nasheed (who was deposed in what most people regard as a coup) was sentenced to 15 years in prison for "terrorism" (basically, for sacking a corrupt judge). It was quite a poignant sight to see the many torn "Free Nasheed" posters fluttering in the sea breeze – a sad symbol of the Maldives' torn hopes for democracy.

Having said all this, the people I encountered were all very friendly and chatty – a few were happy to talk about the political situation here, worrying that the government's actions were going to be bad for the tourist industry upon which the economy is almost totally reliant.

I visited the fish market – the size and cheap prices of the many different fish would make this a seafood lover's delight, while the small size of the vegetables on sale in the other market, showed that the islands are not exactly fertile.

It was amusing to see a huge Costa ship was also anchored off Male – I doubt whether many of its passengers were prepared for the version of the Maldives that they were presented with. Certainly, the number of Italians who were down at the town's small beach (artificial of course!) in their skimpy swimwear, made me think that they hadn't had a Destination Lecture preparing them for the Islamic concrete jungle they were visiting. I then watched a number of the locals having an argument with those people on the beach, asking them why they were disrespecting the local customs so flagrantly (the locals will only go swimming fully covered up). Apparently, the police were eventually called.

So, Male is not the most beautiful place in the world, but it has a unique atmosphere in its combination of fervent Islam and claustrophobic congestion. I just hope that the government can give some power back to the people – they deserve more.

March 13th – Pinnawela’s Elephant Orphanage

Today we had a fabulous day on one of Silversea's World Cruise Events, which took us a magical journey by vintage train from Colombo to visit the famous Pinnawla Elephant Orphanage. The train ride was great fun – as we shook, rattled and rolled our way out of Colombo, through its sprawling suburbs, and into the open countryside, as we passed countless temples and stupas, and field after field of green rice paddies. In the countryside, it felt like not much had changed since our train was built, as traditional rural ways of life continued as they have done for decades.

They say that it's better to travel than to arrive, but even though we were travelling in style, today was all about our arrival at the Elephant Orphanage, to see these magnificent creatures in all their glory. We started off seeing the elephants in the field and watching the adorable babies being fed, as they gulped down gallons of milk. This side of the orphanage had a little bit of a feel of a zoo, but it was when the elephants got down to the river, that the fun really started.

It was fantastic to watch these huge creatures lark around in the water and wallow in the mud – the juveniles playing like little children, splashing each other, trying to push each other over, or just getting into some playful wrestling competitions. As we watched their carefree antics, it was impossible not to assign human characteristics to their actions.

Of course, we had the best seat in town, being greeted by an exotic Sri Lankan dance troop to a backing of pulsating drums and wailing pipes, before eating a delicious lunch looking over the river. However, it was pretty difficult to concentrate on our lunch, with this wonderful elephantine show going on in front of us. It felt like watching the Discovery Channel live – it was such a privilege to witness.

After lunch, Tracy and I went down to the water's edge, where the inquisitive elephants spent their time sticking their trunks over the wall, nosing around to see what we were up to. I presume that they were after some illicit bananas, but they seemed quite happy just to have us rub the rough skin of their trunks. Again, this was one of those pinch yourself moments – were we really so close to these huge animals, their trunks sniffing around our legs so gently?

It was incredibly hot, so it was good to get back to the air-conditioning of the train at the end of it all, as we sat back, watched the countryside, and dreamt of elephants. What a fantastic day!

March 12th – (White) Elephant Spotting in Hambantota

Where? I hear you say......

Well, Hambantota is a fairly new port, (our guide tells us that we were only the second cruise ship to call in here since it opened in 2010), built on the south coast of Sri Lanka on the orders of the recently ousted President Rajapaska. At a cost of over $1billion, in an area with very little in the way of infrastructure or development, it's either an ambitious gamble on the future, or it's a very costly white elephant.

On exploring the city (if you can call it that), the whole project is looking more like a white elephant. The former fishing village of Hambantota had been wiped out in the tragic 2004 tsunami, and it was re-built quickly and cheaply before the grand plan for the port took shape. So far, the only investment seems to be in the port itself, a $250 million airport, a $50 million cricket ground (doesn't every town of 20,000 need a cricket ground that can seat 35,000?), and a huge convention centre that looks deserted.

So, this was a fairly scruffy little town, with an atmospheric (and pretty smelly) fish market, and a population that was very friendly and welcoming – their friendliness was perhaps another sign that this is not yet ready to become a big city. So, for the time being, Hambantota is not much to write home about. But, fortunately, we weren't coming here to experience its (non-existent) urban delights, we were coming because it's relatively close to the wonderful Yala National Park, Sri Lanka's number one national park.

So, after a morning in town, after lunch we drove about an hour and a half into the park, where we transferred into our 4 x 4s, to go on a bumpy game drive through its open wildernesses. Yala is home to one of the world's densest populations of leopards, but unfortunately, I didn't get to see one – two of the 6 jeeps from the ship were lucky though.

However, the arid landscapes were beautiful, and we did get some good views of elephants, wart hogs, deer, a mongoose, crocodiles (one startled one ran right in front of our jeep), buffalo, monitor lizards, and plenty of colourful birdlife (including some of the park's trademark preening peacocks). It was great fun, and even if the wildlife wasn't as plentiful as on a game drive in Africa, it was good to see these animals in a Sri Lankan environment.

If you'd just stayed in Hambantota, you may have wondered why the ship was calling in here, but when you get to go on a game drive in Yala, it was all worth it.

March 9th – Cooking School in Phuket

Having mastered Vietnamese cuisine in Hoi An, my mission today was to get to grips with the wonderful flavours of Thai food, in Phuket. So, I joined the ship's tour to the wonderful Blue Elephant Cookery School in Phuket Town, housed in a beautiful old mansion, that used to belong to one of the rich Chinese tin magnates.

Tracy and I had previously done a course at the Blue Elephant in Bangkok, so we knew that this one would be good, but it more than met my expectations, as we created some really tasty and spicy Thai standards.

We started off with a walk down to the outdoor market – this one wasn't nearly as chaotic or smelly as the town's indoor one that we'd visited previously. Everyone was very friendly, and the range of colourful and exotic fruit and veg was excellent. When you have such great ingredients as these, it's not difficult to see why the cuisine is so good.

Then, it was time to get creating. It was all very clean, hygienic and well organised, and our chef was very good at suggesting alternative ingredients in case we couldn't get all these exotic vegetables back in the West. We made a delicious coconut milk soup, crispy golden bags stuffed with prawn and chicken (kind of like deep-fried wantons – my favourite of the lot), a spicy green mango salad with crispy fish, and stir fried chicken with red curry. Everyone on the tour really bonded as we worked our way through the dishes.

The chef would talk us through it first, then give a tasting, then we'd prepare our own version, for them to serve us for lunch. Each dish involved some chilli, and he'd tell us how many he would use, but we "could use less, if don't like hot". Being an idiot, I took this as a challenge, so I matched him chilli for chilli – that proved to be a mistake.

Of course, the best bit was the eating, and the lunch was delicious, although I did regret the over-use of the chillies a little, as my mouth progressed from tingling, to red hot, to on fire. As ever, you live and you learn, so I will not be so gung ho with the spices when I re-create these fantastic dishes back home.

A really well organised and fun tour.

March 8th – Perfect Penang

Penang has always been my favourite city in Malaysia – and today confirmed why.

The fact that the Chinese are in the majority here, rather than the Muslim Malays, has meant that it has a more relaxed atmosphere than the more conservative rest of the country. Plus, the fact that it moved from being a colonial boom town to a colonial backwater in the mid-19th century, meant that it has a remarkably well preserved set of colonial heritage. Places like Singapore and Hong Kong bulldozed much of their historic architecture to make way for "bigger and better" developments – here in Penang, most of the grand civic buildings and atmospheric streets of 2-storey shophouses have survived intact.

The Chinese have been the dominant cultural force here, ever since the British imported Chinese workers to build their successful colony here in the 18th century; and, my morning tour took us around the Chinese history of the city. Most interesting was the Khoo Kongsi, a clan house of the powerful Khoo family, that acted as a kind of community centre, place of worship and Masonic lodge for an extended family group who came here from Fujian province in China. The clan still owns an extensive property portfolio in Penang, and with property prices beginning to shoot up here, I'm sure that they're doing very well.

Actually, Penang really appears to have been on an impressive course of gentrification over the last 5 years, as so many of its previously dilapidated shophouses have been renovated and converted into smart restaurants or boutiques.

On a bakingly hot day, the best way to explore these atmospheric streets was by trishaw, as we were each cycled around town by a hardworking cycle-rickshaw driver. It all felt very self-indulgently colonial, as a group of people who'd been gorging ourselves on a luxury cruise ship for the last 2 months, were hauled around by these skinny little guys who all seemed to be the wrong side of 60. I started off at the front of our group, but my labouring driver must have grown exhausted by transporting my overweight carcass, as one-by-one, all the other drivers overtook us.

This meant that I shamefacedly arrived about 5 minutes behind the rest of the group, who were by now tucking into mounds of chicken satay at the colonial splendour of the beautiful Eastern and Oriental Hotel. The fact that he'd obviously struggled to transport someone of my weight, was a good reason to go light on the food!

However, by the end of the tour it was lunchtime, so it was time to do some more gorging, as Tracy and I headed to Penang's Little India to see if it could compare to Singapore's. We'd been recommended to go to a place called "Ananda", which didn't disappoint – excellent food at very good prices. In our excitement, we completely over-ordered but we still managed to finish it all.

So, Penang offers something close to Malaysia's complete package – interesting history, well preserved architecture, a cosmopolitan mix of cultures, and friendly people (plus it has good beaches too, if that's your thing). If only it weren't so incredibly hot, this could be the perfect destination.

March 7th – KO’d by KL

While Tracy re-acquainted herself with the malls of Port Klang, I joined a tour round that took us round the main sights of Kuala Lumpur. Just the journey into KL showed us that Malaysia is a fair distance down its path towards reaching its goal of moving from Third World to First World in the space of the last three decades. The roads and infrastructure are all high quality, while the lines of newly constructed neat houses outside town, and the glittering skyscrapers in town, are testament to a booming economy.

But, while KL doesn't have anywhere near the money of its flashy regional rival Singapore, for the tourist, it more than makes up for it, with a more "real" atmosphere on its streets, which are more exuberant and atmospheric than Singapore's carefully controlled environments.

As we explored, we visited exotic Hindu temples, incense-filled Chinese temples, and impressive colonial set-pieces - to be fair, Singapore can supply all three of these. But, what Singapore can't rival is the earthy, chaotic atmosphere of places like the street market on Petaling Street – Singapore just doesn't do chaos.

However, when we visited the Petronas Towers (once the tallest buildings in the world), and the huge mall at the bottom of it, we could see that maybe Singapore has been used as a blueprint for KL's development. Both the Towers and the Mall were all about showing off your wealth and flashy consumerism – I hope that Malaysia can find its own path towards prosperity that allows its character and individualism to continue to shine through.

To get a better perspective on all this, we had a delicious lunch in the revolving restaurant at the top of the tall KL Tower – looking across at the city's muscular new skyline, but also admiring the impressive amount of parkland, greenery and lakes that stops KL from having the claustrophobic feel of so many other South East Asian capitals.

KL seems to be steering an impressive middle course between the overwhelming chaos and over-development of somewhere like Bangkok, and the occasional sterility of Singapore. It's a fine balance, but they seem to have got it right.